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How to tell if you are addicted to Arundinaria amabilis

A. How often do you check "The List" for messages?
     1. Weekly
     2. Daily
     3. My computer is always on
     4. My computer will page me when new email arrives.

B. How often are you in your shop?
     1. Less than once a week
     2. Once a week
     3. Daily
     4. Leave my shop???

C. Where would you meet your friends?
     1. Work
     2. Social events
     3. Fly fishing stores.
     4. On "The List"

D. When someone says grass, do you think of
     1. You vaguely remember something about a green ground
          covering
     2. Having to mow your lawn
     3. Something you might have smoked once: but didn't inhale
     4. Arundinaria amabilis

E. When "The List" goes down you
    1. Send a test message.
    2. Send a test message, then unsubscribe and resubscribe
    3. All of the above and send messages to list members asking
        if the list is down
    4. All of the above and self medicate heavily. (Add 4 points if
        the self medication continues for more than 1 day after the
        list comes back online.)

How to score this test. Take the number in front of each of your answers and total them.

If your total is:

Less than 10 points: you are a hobbyist and not in any danger.

10-15 points: You are in a very high risk group. Wait 3 months and take this test again. Remove all splinters as soon as
possible, avoid glue and varnish during this period to try to detox yourself.

15-18 points: There will be 12 steps starting in your community in the near future. It is strongly suggested you join.

Over 18 points: Sign yourself into the nearest hospital. You need far more than the 12 step program can provide. Inpatient professional help is the recommended course of treatment. Also, before signing yourself in. remove all splinters, it will help detox go faster.

==========================

The 12 Steps to Recovery

1. I have admitted that I am powerless over Arundinaria amabilis and my life has become unmanageable due to my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis.

2. I came to believe that I need the help to restore me to sanity and away from the temptress Arundinaria amabilis.

3. I have made a decision to try to rebuild my live in a positive and caring way without the influence of Arundinaria amabilis.

4. I have humbly accepted the seductive hold of Arundinaria amabilis, the swish of the plane, the smell of varnish, and the feel of wrapping silk has over me and accept the need for treatment for desensitization.

5. I will make a searching and fearless personal inventory of the cost of my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis has been.

6. I will admit to myself, and to another human being, the exact nature of the power that Arundinaria amabilis has over my life.

7. I am entirely ready to avoid contact  Arundinaria amabilis addicts, except those in recovery or asking for help to get into recovery, and remove all Arundinaria amabilis related materials from my domicile (Yes, this includes those forms you slaved to make, that new mill, and no you cannot call the LN plane a Christmas tree ornament).

8. I will make a list of all persons I have harmed because of my addiction to Arundinaria amabilis and become willing to make amends to them, with special attention paid to those that I introduced to Arundinaria amabilis.

9. Having made it this far, I will continue to seek the guidance and support of those who have traveled this path before me. Also, very importantly, I will try to recognize my progress thus far in my recovery to returning to the world of mankind to strengthen me for the next step.

10. I will dismantle my shop and offer to make it into a (shriek) sewing room. Further I will unsubscribe from "The List", block all email from "Listmembers", and expunge all fly fishing related files from my computer. (It is strongly recommended that all computer usage, except  employment related,  is avoided for at least 60 days)

11. I will continue to try maintain an awareness of my addiction. When I hear the serene song of Arundinaria amabilis, I will promptly admit it to another recovering Arundinaria amabilis addict, and be willing to accept the help and guidance offered. (Make sure he has not relapsed before taking such an action.)

12. I will seek, through all available means, to improve my conscious contact with fellow humans, outside of the shop and gatherings. Having had an intellectual and spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I will try to carry this message to "The List".  (Submitted by Rich Jezioro)

Said to the cadence of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'

Twas the day before Christmas, and all was just great.

Having just glued the seat, on a 7'9" 5 weight.

I sat there all smug, admiring my work.

Then suddenly knew with a shudder and jerk.

What to my horrified eyes should appear.

A nickel silver slide band, over there and not here.

The butt cap in place, ten minutes had passed.

I moved rather quickly, the reelseat held fast.

I pulled and I pried, with much more than a nudge.

But the five minute epoxy, just wouldn't budge.

By now I was panicked, my pulse was a racing.

A useless maple reel seat, was what I was facing.

I ran down the hall, tore open the door.

Ran into the shop, and slipped on the floor.

With the rod in my left hand, and tool in my right.

I leveraged and pried, with all of my might.

Then finally it moved, if only a bit.

I laughed just a little, at my lack of whit.

The cap came off and I knew without doubt.

That this rod would be lucky, when pursuing the trout.

And so I shall say, with the reelseat all right.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. 

(Submitted by Chris McDowell)

P.S. True story, it just happened an hour ago.

Why Fishing is better than sex:

1. You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

2. It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.

4. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing in your Whaler, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

5. Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago.

6. It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

7. When you see a really good Fisher person, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing in a Whaler together.

8. If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

9. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

10. When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

11. You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

12. There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

13. If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

14. Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

15. Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

16. Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week!  Is Fishing all you ever think about?"   (Timothy Troester)

And...

17. if you say "Honey, I am going fishing but I will be quick", it's okay!

18. It's okay to practice for the big outing on your front lawn.  (Bob Maulucci)

19. It's okay to sneak out of the stream without saying goodbye after reaching fulfillment of catching the trout of your dreams.  (Marty DeSapio)

Quart of "sauce" from Mike Brooks....$40

1" diameter PVC pipe and caps....$4

Look on wife's face when you say, "I gotta go check a rod soaking in the impregnation fluid!".... Priceless.

Gotta love it.  (Bob Maulucci)

Speaking of the Nunley Award, here are some definitions that may help our understanding:  (Rich Jezioro)

SUBJECT: TOOLS AND THEIR REAL USES

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Yeouw s--t...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touchup jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, over the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The  accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal- burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands.

DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMNIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.  (Rich Jezioro)

Does this stuff happen to anybody else? I received my January catalog from Lee Valley Tools in Saturday's mail (man they've got nice tools, most of which I don't need but a lot that I would like to have anyway) and there was a really nice looking spoon and fork like you would toss a salad with on the cover. I flipped the catalog open and found the credits, they were carved by a Mike Schwing from Baltimore, MD, out of a single block of buckeye burl and finished with oil and wax. Flipped back and admired them some more and the only thing I could think was exactly what I thought when I first looked at them: "man wouldn't the handle of that spoon make a stunning reel seat!" Does this kind of stuff happen to anyone else?  (Will Price)

Nah, you're not sick.

You know its really bad when you sneak up on women wearing fur coats with a pair of scissors in hand to get tying material. Now that's a sign of problems.

Don't ask how I know.  (Joe Behar)

I sure hope there are no psychiatrist/authors among us. then again maybe we may get some publicity.  (Timothy Troester)

Oh Dr. Rich... an opportunity!!  (Larry Blan)

Rut Roh!  (Todd Talsma)

HE made me do it, really!!!  (Rich Jezioro)

These are all going into my casebook  for  future  publication.  ;-)  (Rich Jezioro)

I don't think that you will be credited with making any startling "discovery." Most folks think fly fisherman are a little borderline anyway, add to that you fly fish and tie your own flies all of sudden you jumped into the category of nutball. Now add in the fact that you've made the rod that casts the fly you tied to try and catch a fish and even though it looks like wood it's really a strange grass that's imported from China = lunatic fringe.  (Will Price)

I've always considered fly fishing as an exercise of trying to prove something with a brain smaller than a pea is smarter than me.  (Rich Jezioro)

The trick of course and it applies to all things pleasurable is to not think about it too much.  (Tony Young)

I have only been building since August of ’07 (Greg wrote this on../2008), so maybe its just because I am still new and have so much to try but I can hardly make it through the day at work anymore. Heck I haven’t even completed my first hex yet, I only have to dip it a couple more times.  I am constantly on the internet on Clarks, the rodbuilding forum, the tips page, here on the list, etc.  I have a list of tapers I want to build that continues to grow but my wallet isn’t fat enough to afford the components to go on them.  I keep trying to think of things that I can do at work that will allow me to make progress in my building but it is hard.  This morning I had to sneak away from my desk out to my truck a few times to sand the varnish on the wraps of my tip section so I can dip it tonight.  I feel guilty clocking in every morning for work only to have my mind at home in my little 10X12 utility shed.  I thought about getting some physics books and studying up on taper design but then I am only left with the problem of not being able to afford all the hardware.  I can do this.  Am I alone?  Only 1 hour and ½ to go. (Greg Reeves)

I've finished the last rod until next fall, so I'm passing the time improving my lathe.  The taper on the drill chuck is too long.  With the ram at "0" the taper bottoms out on the screw shaft.  So I took a couple fender washers, drilled holes in them & spaced the shaft back.  Now the taper seats before hitting the shaft.

Also, I'm not happy with the graduations on the tailstock ram.  So...I've been adding a DRO to the ram, in the form of one of the el cheapo composite digital calipers.  I made a plastic ring with a tight slip fit for the ram & just as soon as the caliper comes in I'll mount it between the ram & the body of the tailstock.

I plan to start making ferrules just as soon as I locate some nickel silver tube or rod. (Ron Larsen)

You're hopelessly hooked like the rest of us.  (Don Schneider)

I did nothing this winter other than to redo the basement shop. The mustard colored wall was falling in so badly that, horror of horrors, a contractor had to be called. Once that was fixed, stud walls, insulation, drywall, paint, electrical, and plumbing. Did that part myself. It looks good, and I am emailing in an environment that is at least 10 F warmer than before. No longer need a fleece and a space heater to tie flies or wrap, and when the wind blows outside I can hear it but no longer feel it. The finishing part paid for itself already because this is the first winter I have not had to buy a tank of propane for the "really cold weather" furnace. We ran the geothermal unit all winter.

After two and a half months of all the workbenches and furniture pushed to the center of the room I was about psychotic. Nothing could be found, and every time I moved something out of my way, it would be in exact wrong spot 10 minutes later.

Set up some aquariums too so I can plane in the presence of tropical fish with live plants.

But the best part was when I found the wood stove flue that I never realized was there.  (Jeff Schaeffer)

That sounds like a really pleasant change for you Jeff.  Unless the fish, of course, start telling you how to build your rods!   ;^)  (Will Price)

Nothing could be found, and every time I moved something out of my way, it would be in exact wrong spot 10 minutes later.

That's not the way a shop's SUPPOSED to be, Jeff? I gotta seriously rethink some things!  (Art Port)

Mine's that way most of the time.  (Neil Savage)

Lucky you... only 1-1/2 hours to go... EDT, I assume...

Fortunately (or not), I work on a computer almost all day. The rodlist keeps popping up ?'s and answers all day (most days, anyway...)

I'm blocked from Clark's here, but not at home. (one of the benefits of having our  servers "protected"  from unwanted viruses.) I manage a graphics department, so unless there's a big necessity, I don't have to sit and "do" the artwork, I design it and assign it. My office is loaded with books, old rods, rod rack, framed trout illustrations, a couple mounts and a cast bronze brown... and cast bass trophy. If I could get my Handmill in my office, I would. I have one of our show displays on the bookcase with a 1 wt baby sitting on it, too.

Just because I'm not building, doesn't mean I can't be surrounded by it... and fishing.

I'm one of the very few in our building that has any personal "stuff" decorating it. Most are BORING as hell... People come in here... "Cuz it's so kewl!" (That and there's a big jar of peanut M&M's to raid all the time.)

My suggestion, surround yourself with reminders of what you want to do. Maybe eventually you will be doing that. That's MY goal! For now, it helps me buy the parts I need, too. (Of course, selling a few rods doesn't hurt either...).

In the evening, and weekends, I build or read about building... and my son helps, too. We spent the last two weekends in our booths at the Fly Show and Bass Pro Shop. My wife is a sweetheart... she knows I would be worthless without my rods... and the occasional fishing trip.

You'll make it... don't worry.  (Mike St. Clair)

You need to take the test at the top of this page. Then, you need to follow the 12 step program prescribed by the one and only Dr. Richard Jezioro!  (Todd Talsma)

Either working or sleeping, heavy on the working part. I have to keep my mind on the job when I'm at work, but that doesn't keep me from driving to and from in autopilot while I think about the rods I'm working on.  (John Channer)

You're lucky about that autopilot! I saw the kind of traffic you negotiate out there. When I was still teaching, if I drove 50 ft of my 5 mile, 1/2 hr commute on autopilot, I'd have been in someone's back seat! But after you've taught the quadratic equation 50 times or so, you could almost do THAT on autopilot, at least till a student had a question. <G>  (Art Port)

Pacing and wringing my hands!!!  (Timothy Troester)

Tying flies, fishing , leather work and napping :))  (Jim Tefft)

Repairs, refinishes, and restorations.  I've got two jobs in the shop right now, both tip repairs.  One I had to weave the fibers back together and clear wrap, the other splice in a new section at the top.  Got the second job due to a recommendation from the Gnome.  Thanks Jeff!  Appreciate you pushing the business my way!  (Mark Wendt)

There's work, even less than full time requires some studying up, two dogs, one cat, the horses aren't mine but I do help some, fly tying, reading, my wife, fishing (soon I hope), and just sent off for the plans to build a boat, but that won't happen this year. The next I'll be 62 and a professional part-timer. (Henry Mitchell)

...and of course, in the spirit of a true rod builder you will need a brass bell for your boat so you will have to buy a book on metallurgy and build a forge to melt the metal. Then, you can market bells to your fellow rodbuilders to put on their boats.  (Timothy Troester)

Well, I'm pretty active with the Coast Guard Auxiliary, still recovering from shoulder replacement surgery in October, reading, friends, church and the list.  I hope to get in the shop next week.  (Neil Savage)

I go fishing and build rods when I am not. Best of both worlds.  Using the rods so I can think about the next one.  (Rick Barbato)